Specific Ways Lesbians Get Sub-optimal Health Care

HOSPITAL ACCESS: Lesbians are often denied access to their partners in emergency or ICU because we are not considered "family." Make sure you and your partner have all the appropriate legal documents giving you power of attorney. A power of attorney authorizes one person to make decisions for the other. This does not hold in cases of mental incapacity. So what we need is an Enduring Power of Attorney which continues to function in case of incapacity and terminates only with death. You can also make a Nomination of Committee in writing which allows the nominee to act on your behalf only when you are incapacitated. The court must declare you mentally incapable and then appoints as your Committee the person(s) you mentioned. You do not need a lifetime partner to do this; if there is someone you trust with your life, you can insure your best interests by taking legal precautions before they become necessary. Discuss the best options for you with your lawyer. Do not allow the hospital to dictate arbitrary rules to you. If the nurse will not listen to you, ask to speak to the supervisor, or the hospital administrator if necessary.

DEATH: Along the same lines, make sure you have a legal will expressing your wishes. If you do not specify what you want, your next of kin will automatically inherit your belongings, even if you wanted them to go to your partner or friends. Your lover or friends may have no involvement with your funeral or plans after your death.

In Canada, at the present time, lesbian couples do not qualify as "family" for bereavement leave. This issue has been before the courts and hopefully in the near future lesbians will have all the same rights as heterosexuals.

Parenting

MAKING A DECISION: It is difficult for any woman to make a decision to have a child. For a lesbian, there are some extra considerations. Parts of society do not think that lesbians make good parents. This is compounded by the fact that we think in order to have a child, we need to be superhuman. We need to be very healthy emotionally and sure of ourselves to overcome all the criticism we will be sure to hear about being a lesbian having a child.

DECIDING THE METHOD: There are different ways for a lesbian to become pregnant. She must decide whether or not to have sexual intercourse, or use alternative insemination (AI). If she chooses the latter, she then needs to decide whether she wants to use fresh or frozen sperm or have a known or unknown donor. Many AI clinics limit their services to heterosexual couples, making it difficult for lesbians to access the system. In many large Canadian cities, there is an AI underground and the local lesbian association will usually know about it.

The parent-to-be can also decide to adopt or become a foster parent and then needs to make the decision as to whether or not to come out to social services. If she comes out, she may forfeit getting the child; however, it is important to keep in mind that by not coming out in this context, she is condemning herself to a life of lying and secrecy, not a healthy outlook, and also is not serving as a very good role model for her child in terms of self-love and respect.

The whole issue of parenthood is huge and the decisions are life-changing. Before you make any decisions in this area, read all you can find, talk to other lesbians who have become parents or decided not to, and give yourself adequate time to consider all your options.

OTHER ASPECTS: There is also the legal issue of adopting one's partner's child. Maternity benefits for the non-biological mother may be impossible to come by. The non-legal connection of the non-biological co-parent may prove difficult at times in the relationship, as she has no legal influence or community recognition.

Cheri Pies has written an excellent workbook called CONSIDERING PARENTHOOD, A WORKBOOK FOR LESBIANS.

SEXUALITY: There are many misunderstandings and misperceptions about lesbian sexuality. There have been studies done comparing lesbian lovemaking with that of gay men and heterosexual couples. These studies state that lesbians have repressed and minimal sex lives and that heterosexuals do "it" more often. These studies think it is irrelevant that lesbians spend hours pleasuring and loving one another without penetration, because that is not "it", i.e. intercourse. So a thirty second or three minute or thirty minute heterosexual penetration becomes more meaningful to researchers in defining our sexuality than hours upon hours of nurturing, loving, sexual interactions between two women.